Day One of daily postings

I'm never as close to realizing how little I have to write about more than when I say I will write everyday. I'm breaking out in a sweat over here. I just looked at the clock and see that it is 8:50. I was sure something wonderful and exciting would happen to me today. I got cocky and over confident and put minimal effort into creating anything useful for blog fodder. What to do, what to do?

I went to the library today and checked out some books and even managed to snag some free magazines at the front entrance. I always high five the kids when this happens. The latent criminal in me feels like I'm getting away with something when I grab those freebies (even if I have just paid off twenty five dollars in library fines). But it's the small things that get me through and create happiness for me.

I went to the library back in February and ended up getting yelled at by the construction crew. It seems that while I was on the phone talking to a friend (and bragging about the terrific parking spot I just got), I had unwittingly pulled into an area that was about to be paved over. I only discovered that after two construction workers came running after me with those big orange construction cones yelling and carrying on about getting off the lot. The wise guy in me wanted to tell them the cones work better when they're on the ground where they can serve as cute little devices that prevent people from freely driving to and fro, but I could tell these weren't the kind of people who would appreciate my jokes so I just pretended to be nervous and upset, which  made them nervous, because if there is one thing men don't want to see, it's a grown woman cry. They changed their tone and asked nicely that I please move my vehicle.

After that embarrassment I stayed away from the library for quite some time, hence the twenty five dollars worth of fines today. Yes, it is true you can renew your books on line but I seem to be physically and mentally incapable of doing this. It's like something deep inside me craves building up fines and living on the edge, taking it to the limit, waiting for them to send notices saying the bill will go to collections if it's not taken care of and soon. That's the only point at which I get a little frightened and decide to return my books.

But no more. My books will never be returned late again. No more irresponsible behavior. I mean it. Incidentally this is the same thing I used to tell myself in college when I acted in a foolish manner on Wednesday through Saturday evenings. Never again, not me, that's all folks, you can look away because Ann Marie is done with this nonsense. Eventually that took and I did indeed stop the idiocy at college, and that is all the proof I need that I should never give up on my wonderful self. I will conquer my library issues.

By the way, I checked out a terrific book today called The Worst Hard Time and although it sounds like the author is trying to brag about how bad his life is, it's actually "the untold story of those who survived the great American dust bowl." It's an amazing book. I'm reading it and so are the kids and if you play your cards right it will be returned to the library in the next several months and you can read it.

First post down, so many more to go. 

Random thoughts

Last week I wrote two posts and I thought, yes, this is going to be a priority, I love writing and I'm going to make it happen. But then I forgot all about that and spent countless hours on my ipod wasting all sorts of time looking up important things like, "Does being a bitch make you a better wife?" Don't judge! I was doing research for an upcoming project. Anyway, before you know it I convinced myself that I simply didn't have time to write everyday. It's amazing the things I can talk myself in and out of.

So guess what? Now I'm back on the once a day posting band wagon. Just for the next month, which technically doesn't start until Tuesday, but what can I say, I'm an over achiever. The bad news is that on most days I will have nothing to say, but I said I would write everyday and I always do what I say, so you will have to suffer through some drivel here and there. Just wait a second and you'll see what I mean...

The laundromat is becoming my favorite place once again. It lost some of its appeal in the winter months when all of the interesting people seemed to be away. There would be days when I went and nobody showed up and the only person to talk to was myself. It was lonely and boring and I was left with nothing to do but wash and fold laundry. Things began picking up recently when a woman came in and started asking me about how many kids and husbands I've had. Just one I told her; well, one husband, but four kids. And then she asked me about my husband and I told her what I could and according to her I really hit the jackpot. I made a mental note to stop making Greg out to be so great. I prefer to illicit sympathy, so next time, no talking about the fact that he's managed to hold onto the same job for seven years, something people truly shouldn't be impressed by, but you never can account for what will knock a person's socks off.

I was reading This Old House Magazine ( which I stole from the laundromat, but I'll bring it back, I promise) and here's the most useless tip for men I've ever seen published  - seal the bathtub before Mother's Day to ensure mom gets a warm bath with no water leaks. Yes, nothing tells me I'm loved and appreciated more than having my husband put sealant on the tub. Truth be told,  I'm not a bath girl, so who knows, this may be a good piece of advice. If I ever did take a bath I would need to bleach the tub first, then cover my body in bleach and then put on underwear before getting into the tub, because that is just the kind of person I am. At that point one of my kids would be banging on the door wondering and worrying about why I was taking a bath in the first place, something they've never known me to do, and I would give up, go lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling saying things like, "don't anyone come in here and bug me, I'm contemplating stuff, " something they've known me to do quite often.

Today I was reminded why I started homeschooling my kids in the first place. No need to tell you all why, it's really not that interesting, but I will say this - when you lose sight of the reason you started doing something in the first place you face a slippery slope of doubt, confusion and frustration and no good can come out of it, so the best thing to do is keep it all inside and wait until you are about to explode and hope someone posts something on facebook that hits you exactly where you need it to and then get back to doing what you knew was right to begin with, which is basically to  keep the spark alive in the kids. Of course there's more to it than that, but that is the general jist.

Several close friends had children who received their First Communion today. It was a beautiful moment. If you believe fully and completely in the Eucharist  there is nothing better to see than someone receiving it for the first time. I love being Catholic and am grateful God kept me where I need to be to. I love being able to go to Mass everyday if I want. I love the prayers, the liturgy, the routine. I love Mary and the rosary and hearing Maggie say the Hail Mary. Years ago I would have recoiled at the thought of expressing any of that. It would have been repulsive. Who goes around talking like that? Weirdos! But, alas, I have become a weirdo and I'm okay with that.

Must go to bed now before I hit the point of no return. Rest up my capicola farts, it's going to be a tediously long month of daily posting.

Hey there, capicola farts

Blogger changed all of its settings. I found this highly irritating, as I hate when things change without anyone consulting me first. And then there was the problem of trying to compose a new post on a site that suddenly looked completely different. I'm not bright, so I got confused and walked away from the computer in an annoyed state. Then I got bored and came back to the computer. That's how most of my days go.

I'm glad I came back, too, because I ended up accidentally finding a statistics page in which I learned all kinds of interesting things about my site. Some of the things I already knew, like no one is really reading my blog, but other things were enlightening. For example, two people came here after searching for "capicola farts" and another two came searching for "herpes."

The herpes thing I completely understood. I wrote a post about Anthony asking me about that very topic, so if someone typed that word into their computer my site might possibly come up. It's the capicola fart people who have me intrigued. First of all, I think it's awesome that typing those two words into your computer will take you to my site and secondly, who exactly wants to know about capicola farts? If you are the capicola fart people, let me just tell you that carrying around Gas-X will help any problems you are having in that area. I pop those little tablets all day long and now I never have to worry about the accidental fart, which as we know is cute when you are four, but completely humiliating when you enter adulthood. Then it goes back to being cute when you are like 80, but that's a long way off for me.

Oh, I also learned that 191 people viewed my "please endure the picture post" post. I wrote it awhile back when we got back from our road trip to NY and Vermont. Most of my other posts have about 20 page views. If I was smart I would start posting picture posts all the time, because obviously people like looking at pictures. I suppose it's easier to look at pictures than it is to read, but I like writing and also, I don't want to let the capicola fart people down.

Sometimes I write things that possibly lead people to think I have no intelligent thoughts in my head. This post would be a good example of such writing, but the truth is I do have thoughts that border on, if not fully intelligent, at least not completely idiotic. I had something happen to me yesterday in which I realized I'm probably not taken seriously even when I am being serious and so I had the notion that I was going to turn my blog into a serious, thought provoking site in which people would pour over every word I say while they were wearing their smart glasses. But then I got on here and decided writing about capicola farts may possibly brighten someone's day and to me, that's just a better deal.

Goodbye my adoring capicola farts. Yes, that is what I am going to start calling my readers. Don't be insulted. I use the word with all the love in my heart.

Tooth Fairy madness

What to write, what to write? Unnamed people have demanded I write a new post but I have nothing to say. How about an update?

Maggie had a tooth pulled yesterday. If you've been in a five mile radius of me this week you know all about this because I can't stop talking about it. When I learned she had a mouth full of cavities I felt as though I had crossed the line from mildly irresponsible parent to full on neglectful idiot who never should have had children. I mean really, I almost stuck a carton of cigarettes and six pack of beer under her pillow instead the standard dollar coins we usually leave when the tooth fairy comes.

Speaking of which, I'm not even sure how she knew about the tooth fairy seeing as I have never once talked about her to Maggie and I'm pretty sure I've forbidden the older kids from mentioning this menacing creature. And yes, this is a wonderful way to handle all of the things in life you decide you don't like dealing with; refuse to address it and it will go away, except for in this case it didn't work.

Someone outside the family must have gotten to Maggie because the first thing she said when I showed her the pulled tooth was, "now the tooth fairy will come!" Whoever enlightened her also laid it on thick enough that Maggie thought she was getting some huge present left behind, something like a doll or a Hello Kitty stuffed animal. Ugh! People. They are so annoying. I mean it could have been a little child who informed her in which case I should show some mercy, but no, in this instance kids are just as annoying as adults.

Sure enough I woke this morning and left for my walk and right around mile two I remembered that I forgot to leave money under Maggie's pillow. Then I spent the rest of the walk just praying she wouldn't wake because I knew she would be heart broken and the thought of that was making me nervous.

That's really why I hate things like the tooth fairy. It's just one more opportunity to let your kids down. You have your first kid and you can't wait for that first tooth to fall out because it's so exciting and cute for them to see that money, but then it keeps happening again and again, on top of which you have more kids and it seems like every twenty minutes someone is losing a tooth and you keep forgetting to leave money under the pillow.

I know this is a common happening around houses across America because everyone talks about it. How many times has one of the kids woken without the money and you have to do the whole, "are you sure, let me check, you probably didn't check good enough," speech while you trick your kid and slip the quarters under the pillow. It's just so stupid and I really thought we escaped this foolishness with Maggie.

This morning I made it back in plenty of time to correct my forgetfulness. She was still sound asleep, so I stuck two gold dollar coins under her pillow and then went outside for my iced coffee. About an hour later she ran out to me, fully dressed, with a huge smile on her face screaming about that money and yes, I did start crying over how cute it all was. And that's parenthood. Just as you are on the verge of becoming the most hideously cynical person alive one of the kids comes in and saves the day.