Life. As simple as I want it.

My fans have requested a new post. Okay, it was only my sister, but she holds a lot of power over me so I caved in and will try to come up with something.

The truth is that my life is humming along a rather boring pace and I have nothing much to blog about. Before you feel sorry for me and my dull life, realize that I work hard to keep things as calm and simple as possible. When I say boring and dull I don't mean that we are doing nothing, I just mean that nothing we are doing is interesting to other people. We wake, we pray, we eat, we do school, we talk, we have lunch, we do a little more school. I take kids to the library or to friend's houses or downtown or wherever. Neighborhood kids come over, ask if we have any snacks, I make something, listen for the thanks, rest on the couch, get up. Make dinner and eat dinner and walk the dog and go to bed.

In between, children leave scooters in the driveway, I run them over, ( the scooter, not the kids), ruin my bumper, empty threats are made, apologies are given and accepted. Laundry piles up, laundry gets done, dishes pile up, dishes get done, I ride my bike, buy some songs on itunes, go to the beach, read to Maggie, clean toilets, pull hair from drains and throw it at the wall and laugh. Wonder if I should leave it there. Who will notice? Only me. I clean it up.

Go to church, leave feeling refreshed. Ten minutes later we are all arguing in the car and I'm asking if anyone listened to anything. Silence, but only for a minute. We go for family bike rides and forget Maggie's helmet and shoes and Greg takes care of it, again. We're off on our way. We go to the park and the beach and for walks. We talk. We laugh. We eat. We yell. We say we're sorry.

I check in bedrooms and see piles of messes and am told to stop saying we belong on Hoarders. But we do belong there. I empty the fridge, I clean the fridge, I wonder why no one throws out empty containers and I leave some in there just for fun, just so I can say "see, how do you like it?" And they never like it.

Friends come over for lunch, children play, cry when they have to leave, we assure the little one she will see her friends again and very soon. I take a walk with a close friend. We laugh till we can't breath. We talk about our kids and school and life. I get in my car and am happy. Realize it's late and dark and I may run out of gas on the way home. Panic. Make it to the station, promise I will never do that again. But I will.

Think about my sister. Miss my sister. Send my sister an email telling her I will buy a new phone this week so I can call her. I said this last week, too. And the week before. Assure her I have nothing exciting to tell her anyway.( Write this post to prove my point. )

Take Buster for a walk at night. Warm and quiet and peaceful. Almost start to cry over the embarrassment of riches that is my life. Try to remind myself not to take it for granted. Dull, boring, quiet, whatever you want to call it, I'll take it as long as I'm given it. I've been blessed and I know it.

On being humble

Several months ago I was reading an article about Mary, about how she "kept all these things in her heart," much preferring to ponder things, rather than talking about them endlessly and with everyone she came into contact with. The article was encouraging the bizarre notion of quiet contemplation. I cringed a little, as I am one for telling my close friends just about every thought that comes into my mind. Pondering things is strange and difficult. How will everyone know how I've been wronged if I can't tell them? How will everyone know how wonderful my life is if I don't talk about it? How will people always have me on their minds if I am not constantly inserting myself into their thoughts?

After I read the article I decided I may need to work on humility, on keeping things a little more to myself, on not making things about me all the time, maybe even pray and contemplate things before going to people first. It was all a very novel idea for me and quite difficult to manage. My friend Terri can attest to this, as she is often the recipient of hundreds of my text messages and emails each week. Yes, most of what I have to say is vitally important, but every once in a while, one or two messages slips through that are perhaps not critical.

The reason I'm writing about this now is because I was thinking about my Nana last night. I think about her as much now as I ever have. I walk in the evenings and when I look up at the stars in the sky I know she is up there, cheering me on and that never, ever fails to make me smile. Last night I was thinking about how on the surface my Nana didn't always seem like a humble woman who kept things to herself.

My Nana was not shy about telling you how beautiful she was, or how lovely people always told her she looked, or how when she went to people's houses they were always amazed at the small amount of food she required..."and they said, but Barbara, is that really all you're going to eat? My granddaughter, they couldn't believe it!" The truth is, my Nana was beautiful and she honestly never overindulged in food, so she knew herself quite well and you can't really call that bragging, can you?

Last night I was thinking of the time we somehow got on the topic of abortion. Current events were not typically discussed between me and my Nana. Her stories were much more captivating than anything I could have read in a paper or heard on the news, but for some reason this discussion came up and I wanted to hear what my Nana had to say. Along with being beautiful and having a small appetite, she was brilliant ( which she would also freely tell you) and I loved hearing her insight. She looked at me and then she looked down. She was shaking her head and she had one of her hands propped on her cheek, a gesture she often took when she was about to say something full of thought. "Ann Marie, you can't imagine years ago what girls used to do when the got pregnant. You can't imagine. Oh those poor girls!" She looked like she may cry. And then she said, "I don't know, I don't know. You pray, my granddaughter, you pray!" No judgement, no harsh words, nothing more than compassion and sorrow for other people's suffering and an awareness that even when you know the correct answer, sometimes you have to leave it up to God and prayer. True humility. On the big things, my Nana was indeed humble, just like Mary, whom she happened to be extremely devoted to.

I've read this post through and I realize it isn't particularly well written or cohesive - it's sort of all over the map but these thoughts were going to escape me if I didn't get them down and I can't let that happen and I don't have time right now to write well. Sorry about that.

list

I used to make lists, but I never accomplished anything that was written on the lists, so I stopped making them. Today, because I happened to be sitting near a piece of paper and a pencil (it happens sometimes when you homeschool your kids, but only sometimes) I thought to myself hey, why not make a list. I got bored pretty quickly so the only thing I wrote down was pick Anthony up from basketball camp at 2:30. As it turns out, Anthony was meant to get picked up at 2:00, so the list turned out to be an epic fail.

Now tell me, if I were to begin writing more posts, would the previous story be the kind of thing you would be looking for? I mean that is some pretty hardcore writing right there. The truth is, I can't seem to get on the computer and write about much of anything but I saw that I had only written one post this month so I decided to try and fix that.

How about a list to wrap up 2011! This will be a fun list.

Favorite books I read this year... The Liar's Club and lit, both memoirs and both by Mary Karr, and Surrender! by Fr. Larry Richards. I like to do one of three things when I read...laugh, cry or think about things more deeply. If a book does all three it's a bonus and these books did that for me.

Favorite new habit of the year...taking Buster for a daily walk in the evening. Just ninety minutes with me and Buster and an ipod filled with favorite songs makes me happy. If you need a way to unwind in the evenings and you have a dog living in your house, take the dog for a walk. Dogs don't talk, they don't ask for anything and they happily go wherever you lead them. It's a real treat! Plus, if you do have a dog and you find him mildly irritating, he will become much less so when you being walking with him every night. Your dog will suddenly love you more than he loves the rest of the people living in your house, and if you happen to be slightly insecure and pathetic, that simple truth will make you happy.

Favorite new song...Fake Empire by The National. This song makes no sense to me. I'm not intellectual and so I'm sure there is some deep meaning behind it, but since I am not a hipster doofus, it's all lost on me. Regardless, the tempo that slowly builds up throughout the song, and the lead singer's voice make me love it. If you aren't real keen on strangely deep voices (think Leonard Cohen) and lyrics that are nearly impossible to make out, skip it. I live with a fifteen year old child who mumbles her way through life, so the fact that I have to strain to make out the words of this song doesn't bother me too much. Here are some of the inane lyrics..."stay out super late pickin' apples, makin' pies, put a little something in our lemonades and take it with us. We're half awake in our fake empire." HUH!? Please share if you have any idea what in the helk he is talking about. Is he putting booze in his lemonade so he can make it through this half arsed life here on earth? What about the apple picking super late? Who picks apples late at night? Well, who can explain why certain things bring us joy. This song does makes me happy, so I shouldn't get too wrapped up in the meaning.

Most fun thing I did this year...went on a trip with my husband and kids to Georgia. I had to check my pulse a few times because I was so relaxed that I wasn't sure I was even still breathing. I hoped to get on here and show pictures and write about our vacation, but all I can tell you is, it was wonderful and the thought of going back every year makes me happy.

People I'm most grateful to this year...my brother in law and my sister who generously gave us plane tickets so me and the kids could go to my Nana's funeral. My sister thought it was no big deal, my brother in law thought it was no big deal. Everyone gives away plane tickets, right? This is how my sister and brother in law live. They are generous - not just to me, but to everyone in our family and not just with material things. If you want to feel welcome somewhere, go to my sister's house. You know the best part of being with my sister? We Hacics go into her house and create chaos and confusion and she just laughs and says how much fun it is. And she says it so convincingly that I actually believe her! Anyway, if there is ever a time to be with family, to celebrate life, to tell stories and enjoy each other, it's when a loved one has passed on to the next life. My Nana would have been quite pleased knowing that my sister made it happen for me and the kids.

This list barely touches on my past year, but I am tired and getting bored with myself and my house is a mess and I'm having people over tomorrow evening after Christmas Eve Mass and if I don't want them to lose their appetites I must go clean! Hey, because of this list here, I just realized I had a pretty fabulous 2011. Hope you did , too. And Merry, merry Christmas!

Leaving for another trip away

Whenever I make Maggie something to eat, no matter what it is, she looks up at me and asks, "mama, is there love in this?" She thinks love is an actual ingredient because I always say, "I made this with love so you better like it." I feel it best to threaten your kids into liking all you make and so far so good. My kids think I'm a fantastic cook and regularly praise me. The best is when they praise me in front of other people - double points for that one. And when they say nothing, I stew. Wouldn't it be nice if I were humble enough to not care if they complimented and thanked me, if I was merely cooking to serve them and in turn God. But I'm not that humble and not nearly that mature, plus, the last time I checked I wasn't God so I don't need to be perfect. I'm not afraid to admit that I enjoy, relish, thrive on compliments when I make dinner or lunch or anything else edible.

Greg chalks this up to my being my Nana's granddaughter. When my Nana cooked she poured her entire heart and soul into it and she expected something in return. A kiss, a hug, a compliment, anything letting her know that you appreciated her efforts. I was just telling my kids the other day that every time she made anything she did it as though Jesus and Mary were coming to join her. There was love in my Nana's cooking and you could taste it.

She came to stay with us for a couple of weeks when we lived in North Carolina and Jane was a baby. Greg invited a friend over for dinner and my Nana made pork chops and homemade bread and various other things. Greg's friend ate like a pig but said nothing. I remember sweating a little as the night wore on and he continued to make no mention of how delicious everything was. I wanted to kick him under the table,but I didn't know him too well so he wouldn't have understood my glances and nods toward my Nana. I could see the look of disgust on her face, as though this person had been raised by wolves and now she was being forced to share a meal with him.

As soon as he left my Nana stood up and said under her breath, "don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out." I shook my head at her and told her there was no accounting for some people. For the next ten years, every single time I saw her she would bring up Greg's mannerless friend. Greg is still amused by this. Whenever someone gets up from my table without saying anything, I give a look and Greg says, "easy Nana!" And we laugh and I thank God that there is some small part of her that she passed along to me.

For as long as I can remember, my Nana was cooking for me and my siblings and anyone and everyone who she came into contact with. It gave her joy and happiness and a sense of purpose and until I grew up and had a family of my own I didn't fully understand it. Now I do and I'm grateful I was able to share so many good meals with her. She lived a few doors down from us and from the time I was a baby until the time I went away to college she ate dinner with us practically every night. She and my mom would talk each morning so they could start planing the menu for that night's meal.

It wasn't just the food at the dinner table that would make me happy. It was the conversation, the laughter, the yelling and heated discussions, the one hour that would settle into three hours. At some point my Nana would get up and start doing the dishes and my mother would say, "Ma, stop it, we'll do them later." My Nana would insist on continuing and then my mother would flare her nostrils at us, which meant, "get off your ass and help her." And we did, because we were obedient children who also happened to be mildly afraid of my mom's flared nostrils.

My Nana passed away yesterday afternoon at the age of 101. She was with three of her five children. A priest came in at some point before she passed and my mother told me my Nana made the sign of the cross and said a Hail Mary. Fitting, considering every time I went to see her she was sitting in her chair saying her rosary. She never needed to say much about religion or faith or the gospel, mostly because she spent her entire life actually living it. I know I'm blessed beyond measure to have witnessed and shared in it.

Tomorrow me and my kids head to New York for the week, to go and celebrate her life. I can't wait. There will be time spent around the table. Food and conversation and laughter and yelling will be plenty and in those moments I will feel her most.

Quote to keep in mind as I teach my kids

"There are some who desire knowledge for its own sake; and that is shameful curiosity. And there are others who desire to know, in order that they may themselves be known, and that is vanity, disgraceful too. Others again desire knowledge in order to acquire money or preferment by it; that too is a discreditable quest. But there are also some who desire knowledge, that they may build up the souls of others with it; and that is charity. Others, again, desire it that they may themselves be built up thereby; and that is prudence. Of all these types, only the last two put knowledge to the right use." (St. Bernard, Sermon on the Canticle of Canticles)

I just read this on American Catholic and thought some other moms would find it as encouraging as I did. What else could possibly be said about how to educate a child?