Jane - Did you know a survey showed 97 percent of people in Florida think Casey Anthony is guilty.
Me - No, I didn't know that.
Kate - (yelling from the other room) Yeah, the other 3 percent weren't present for the survey.
Me - hahahahahaha ( that's not really what I sound like when I laugh my ass off, but you get the idea)
Pretty funny kid.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Weekend thoughts
I love my husband and kids. I suspected this for some time but it was confirmed while I was away and felt myself missing and thinking about them quite a bit. I even missed them after getting numerous calls referencing things like the cable account, i pod chargers and inquiries about why exactly I had to go away in the first place.
I'm done going away by myself for a few years. I got it out of my system and have no desire to be a thousand miles away from Greg or the kids for a long time. At first this revelation caused me to feel shame because I figured it made me some kind of loser who is too attached to her role as wife and mother, but then I realized that I am just like any other professional who goes away and thinks about work obsessively. Those kinds of people are mostly venerated and thought of as being ambitious and hard working type A people who make the world go round, but I'm here to tell you something you probably already know - it's mothers who make the world go round so if you happen to be one, find a way to make the people in your life venerate you instead of those idiotic type A fools. Going away for fours day helps this process along.
Having said all that, I had a terrific time both at the wedding, and hanging out with my sister and her family. There was much laughter going on all weekend and that's never to be missed if it can be helped. I would have felt awful if I skipped out due to my intense fear of flying, which by the way was not at all eased for one second while I was on the plane, but more on that later. The wedding was beautiful and fun. The highlight was dancing while screaming/singing along to Bruce with my siblings. The low light was the much too small piece of delicious wedding cake we were served. I almost laughed when I saw it sitting there on my plate. It was as thin as a piece of American cheese. I'm convinced the caterers were trying to steal the cake. They approached my brother's wife after they had served everyone and asked her if she would like to bring home two big pieces and she said no, she would like to bring home the entire rest of the cake. So I don't really need to know anything else about this person my brother has married. She appreciates cake and that really is the most important thing there is to know about someone.
Now about the plane. Two friends gave me books to read to keep me calm on the trip. I thought this was a good idea and was excited about reading both of them. I took out the first one shortly after takeoff and after ten pages I realized I had not technically read any of the book. I was turning pages mindlessly. It's like when you realize you've arrived at your destination and you have no idea how it happened. I put the book down and decided to try and calm down and go back to it later, but I never calmed down. I stared out the window and realized that if we crashed I was dead meat. There was no chance of survival. I looked at all the little plots of land and felt envious of the people below who lived there and were safely on the ground. At that point I should have shut my shade and tried to sleep but I must have been getting some sick pleasure out of being so morbid because I just kept looking out the window and shaking my leg. Then I looked around the plane and wondered if I should tell everyone else about the dead meat thing. It seems that there are people on planes who are completely at ease and not at all worried about this and I don't like other people being calm while I'm not. I decided not to say anything though. I was reassured when the plane landed but only until I remembered I would be getting on a plane to go back home.
My sister brought me to the airport on Sunday morning and asked if I was glad I had come and I told her I wouldn't be able to answer that question until I was back in Orlando. If the plane crashed I would most definitely not be happy I went. But here I am in one piece sitting at the computer so yes, I'm glad I went. The only thing I'm mad about is that I would have had even more fun if I hadn't wasted time all weekend worrying about whether I would make it back home. I also would have had more fun if I got a bigger piece of cake.
I'm done going away by myself for a few years. I got it out of my system and have no desire to be a thousand miles away from Greg or the kids for a long time. At first this revelation caused me to feel shame because I figured it made me some kind of loser who is too attached to her role as wife and mother, but then I realized that I am just like any other professional who goes away and thinks about work obsessively. Those kinds of people are mostly venerated and thought of as being ambitious and hard working type A people who make the world go round, but I'm here to tell you something you probably already know - it's mothers who make the world go round so if you happen to be one, find a way to make the people in your life venerate you instead of those idiotic type A fools. Going away for fours day helps this process along.
Having said all that, I had a terrific time both at the wedding, and hanging out with my sister and her family. There was much laughter going on all weekend and that's never to be missed if it can be helped. I would have felt awful if I skipped out due to my intense fear of flying, which by the way was not at all eased for one second while I was on the plane, but more on that later. The wedding was beautiful and fun. The highlight was dancing while screaming/singing along to Bruce with my siblings. The low light was the much too small piece of delicious wedding cake we were served. I almost laughed when I saw it sitting there on my plate. It was as thin as a piece of American cheese. I'm convinced the caterers were trying to steal the cake. They approached my brother's wife after they had served everyone and asked her if she would like to bring home two big pieces and she said no, she would like to bring home the entire rest of the cake. So I don't really need to know anything else about this person my brother has married. She appreciates cake and that really is the most important thing there is to know about someone.
Now about the plane. Two friends gave me books to read to keep me calm on the trip. I thought this was a good idea and was excited about reading both of them. I took out the first one shortly after takeoff and after ten pages I realized I had not technically read any of the book. I was turning pages mindlessly. It's like when you realize you've arrived at your destination and you have no idea how it happened. I put the book down and decided to try and calm down and go back to it later, but I never calmed down. I stared out the window and realized that if we crashed I was dead meat. There was no chance of survival. I looked at all the little plots of land and felt envious of the people below who lived there and were safely on the ground. At that point I should have shut my shade and tried to sleep but I must have been getting some sick pleasure out of being so morbid because I just kept looking out the window and shaking my leg. Then I looked around the plane and wondered if I should tell everyone else about the dead meat thing. It seems that there are people on planes who are completely at ease and not at all worried about this and I don't like other people being calm while I'm not. I decided not to say anything though. I was reassured when the plane landed but only until I remembered I would be getting on a plane to go back home.
My sister brought me to the airport on Sunday morning and asked if I was glad I had come and I told her I wouldn't be able to answer that question until I was back in Orlando. If the plane crashed I would most definitely not be happy I went. But here I am in one piece sitting at the computer so yes, I'm glad I went. The only thing I'm mad about is that I would have had even more fun if I hadn't wasted time all weekend worrying about whether I would make it back home. I also would have had more fun if I got a bigger piece of cake.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Marriage
Me - Why do all the pictures keep falling off the walls?
Him - Maybe because you're hanging them with packing tape?
Me - What else would I hang them with?
Him - Nails.
Me - Seriously?
We've been married for close to eighteen years and Greg still believes that at some point I'll start doing things the right way. It's nice to live with someone so hopeful. It's probably the reason I married him. I must have sensed he'd never give up on me.
Him - Maybe because you're hanging them with packing tape?
Me - What else would I hang them with?
Him - Nails.
Me - Seriously?
We've been married for close to eighteen years and Greg still believes that at some point I'll start doing things the right way. It's nice to live with someone so hopeful. It's probably the reason I married him. I must have sensed he'd never give up on me.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
A very long tale of riding
I've been riding my bike again lately. Riding it obsessively, because that's just what I do. If I like something I get obsessed and can't think of much else except what it is I am obsessed with. It happened with veggie burgers, TCBY, Lays baked chips, green tea, white tea, chai tea, coffee, espresso, hummus, Bruce Springsteen, Mumford and Sons, David Sedaris. The list goes on and as you can see it mostly all has to do with food, beverages, musicians and hilarious writers. Trust me, there are much worse things to be obsessed with than the previous list.
Riding a bike is the one thing in my life that I mastered on the first try. I think this is the reason I like it so much. I was five years old and spotted a bike on our front dirt. I can't call it a front lawn as we were the sort of children who played hard and didn't allow grass to grow. Anyway, I saw the bike and noticed that no one was around, and because I didn't want to make a fool of myself in front of anyone else I figured I would take the opportunity to get on and see what happened. I rode all the way over to my Nana's apartment without falling. It was completely exhilarating and I was hooked. And then I was mad that there were no witnesses.
I grew up in an age where parents were smart enough to not sign their children up for any activity that wasn't close enough to walk or ride our bikes to and so those were just about the only ways I knew to get myself around. When I was in high school I managed to become friends with people who had cars and this was quite helpful, but still, I loved riding my bike.
When I got my first job that paid over eight bucks an hour I saved up and bought myself an expensive Trek mountain bike. I rode all over the place, mostly on deserted country roads that were definitely not the kinds of places a twenty one year old girl should be riding alone. This made my mom nervous which I think was the reason I did it. And yes, I am sure I will be paid back in kind by my own children.
I dreamed about going cross country on my Trek. Like most of my dreams, I had no real plan and sort of just hoped this would happen on its own and when it didn't I forgot about it and went about my life. I got married, moved a lot, had children and the only bike I rode for a while was a stationary bike that I loved for the sole reason that riding it everyday for an hour helped me lose every bit of the weight I gained when I had gotten pregnant.
It wasn't the same though and when we moved to Burlington I started riding outside again - that is until I took an awful spill and almost landed head first directly into a tree. I was shaken and for quite some time I didn't ride and when I did, it was only with Greg and the kids.
Once we moved here, a place where the weather is almost always nice enough to ride outside, I got back into it and remembered how much I loved it. The problem of course is that because I am somewhat obsessive I am not happy enough to just ride for an hour. I have to ride for ninety minutes which leads to two hours which leads to two and a half hours which leads to a very sore arse and bizarre tan lines.
At the very least, all of my obsessive riding has taught me some important things and I will share them with you now. Bring enough water or risk hallucinating, wear sun block or risk getting an awful burn, turn around after an hour because if you don't you will just want to keep going and chances are you have people waiting for you at home who love you and may even miss you if you don't come back (unless you were in a really bad mood when you departed and in that case, stay out as long as possible). When your butt gets sore, you are better off just sitting through it because if you stand up and then sit back down on your bike seat it will hurt approximately one hundred times more than it originally did.
Another thing I learned. Lake County is gorgeous. There are hundreds of bikes routes to ride and you will be unable to stay in a foul mood if you happened to have been in one when you left, not that I would know anything about foul moods as I am mostly a sunshiny type person. Truthfully, whatever I am feeling when I leave for my rides I couldn't really tell you because by the time I get home I am completely exhausted in the best possible way. And every time I go out I am convinced at some point in that ride that during this lifetime I will make my way across the country on my bike. That's what riding does for me. It make me crazy and delusional and happy and completely thankful to be alive.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Two decades worth
Sometimes high school friends "friend" me on facebook and ask what I've been up to for the past 20 years, so I've come up with a form letter to let everyone in on the excitement that has been my life over the past two decades.
Dear so and so,
It's so good to hear from you. Due to my laziness, the chances of me sending you a friend request were slim to none, so thank you for taking the initiative.
As far as what I have been up to for the last twenty years, well, I will try to distill everything down to the nitty gritty, truly important stuff.
After graduating from high school in 1987, I went onto to college, graduating from Suny Albany in the winter of '92, with a degree in the "liberal arts." It was well worth it; I am still liberal and artistic. I'll save you the trouble of doing the math and just tell you that yes, it took me longer than four years to graduate. I was busy doing important and productive things during that time, things not related to my studies, hence the delay.
I met my husband (although he wasn't my husband when I met him) in the summer of '90 and married him in the summer of '93. His name is Greg and he grew up in Buffalo, NY. I can't really describe him to you, as it wouldn't do him justice, suffice it to say that he has a twisted sense of humor, talks minimally, and doesn't care what anyone but me thinks of him. Sometimes this fact makes me nervous, but most of the time I find it refreshing. Oh, and he does laundry on a regular basis, and adores me and our children, so I bagged me a good one.
Greg and I spent the first years of our marriage moving around to various places like Rochester, NY, West Kill NY, North Carolina and Vermont. There was also a short stint in Maine that I prefer not to think about.
In the fall of 2001 we decided we should take the three children that we now had (two girls, one boy) and move closer to extended family, so we moved back to Albany, NY, where we remained for about four years, until we decided that we should move again, this time to someplace warm and brimming with job possibilities for my husband - he works in construction as a project manager. He's pretty bossy so he has done quite well in this position.
Anyway, in the fall of 2005 we packed up and moved to central Florida, knowing that the state was bursting with building projects and Greg would never be out of a job, and so far he hasn't been, although things got dicey last year, but I think we're okay for now. I don't worry too much about this stuff.
At first I hated central Florida, as it was the exact opposite of everything I had ever known. I especially hated the palm trees. They seemed so empty and soulless and I spent many hours wondering if we had made a huge mistake moving to a place where the only trees were ones that provided no shade, but then we found this great little town called Mount Dora, Florida, located in beautiful Lake County, and I decided I didn't hate it all. There were huge oak trees with Spanish moss dripping off of them, and lakes, and hills, and friendly people and my kids said it reminded them of their Fisher Price village, so we decided to buy a house and settled in.
Right around this time I had another baby. She was a total surprise. At first I was annoyed that I was pregnant because I was a perfect size 6 and I didn't want to get fat, as I am stay at home mom and dreaded becoming the stereotypical, dumpy mom, but the second Maggie was born I told everyone to pretend I had never said some of the things I did while I was pregnant. I certainly didn't want her to get a complex and think that keeping my figure was more important to me than bringing a new life into the world. As it turns out, she is doted on like no other child has been and will probably go on to do something incredible and amazing, like curing diabetes. But even if she doesn't I won't care. None of us can imagine life without her. She's pretty great.
As far as the details of our lives right now, I homeschool my fourteen and twelve year old daughters, but my son, who is ten, goes to public school. My kids are funny and cute and love to read and were once described as "little spark plugs." That's really all you need to know about them.
I spend most of my days reading, painting my walls over and over again, moving furniture around, walking around our town and enjoying the beautiful weather (unless it dips below 50 degrees and then I refuse to go outside.) And of course I have met some wonderful friends. In fact, I think the friends I have met here may be some of the nicest people on the planet.
I guess my life keeps me busy because I fall into bed every night completely exhausted. And yes, I know it all sounds so simple and quaint, but when I was a little girl I had no aspirations to lead a glamorous life filled with wealth and fame; I only wanted to grow up to be a mom and wife, so I guess you could call me a success story.
I hope this fills you in on some of the finer points of my life. Please let me know what you have been up to for the past twenty years.
Dear so and so,
It's so good to hear from you. Due to my laziness, the chances of me sending you a friend request were slim to none, so thank you for taking the initiative.
As far as what I have been up to for the last twenty years, well, I will try to distill everything down to the nitty gritty, truly important stuff.
After graduating from high school in 1987, I went onto to college, graduating from Suny Albany in the winter of '92, with a degree in the "liberal arts." It was well worth it; I am still liberal and artistic. I'll save you the trouble of doing the math and just tell you that yes, it took me longer than four years to graduate. I was busy doing important and productive things during that time, things not related to my studies, hence the delay.
I met my husband (although he wasn't my husband when I met him) in the summer of '90 and married him in the summer of '93. His name is Greg and he grew up in Buffalo, NY. I can't really describe him to you, as it wouldn't do him justice, suffice it to say that he has a twisted sense of humor, talks minimally, and doesn't care what anyone but me thinks of him. Sometimes this fact makes me nervous, but most of the time I find it refreshing. Oh, and he does laundry on a regular basis, and adores me and our children, so I bagged me a good one.
Greg and I spent the first years of our marriage moving around to various places like Rochester, NY, West Kill NY, North Carolina and Vermont. There was also a short stint in Maine that I prefer not to think about.
In the fall of 2001 we decided we should take the three children that we now had (two girls, one boy) and move closer to extended family, so we moved back to Albany, NY, where we remained for about four years, until we decided that we should move again, this time to someplace warm and brimming with job possibilities for my husband - he works in construction as a project manager. He's pretty bossy so he has done quite well in this position.
Anyway, in the fall of 2005 we packed up and moved to central Florida, knowing that the state was bursting with building projects and Greg would never be out of a job, and so far he hasn't been, although things got dicey last year, but I think we're okay for now. I don't worry too much about this stuff.
At first I hated central Florida, as it was the exact opposite of everything I had ever known. I especially hated the palm trees. They seemed so empty and soulless and I spent many hours wondering if we had made a huge mistake moving to a place where the only trees were ones that provided no shade, but then we found this great little town called Mount Dora, Florida, located in beautiful Lake County, and I decided I didn't hate it all. There were huge oak trees with Spanish moss dripping off of them, and lakes, and hills, and friendly people and my kids said it reminded them of their Fisher Price village, so we decided to buy a house and settled in.
Right around this time I had another baby. She was a total surprise. At first I was annoyed that I was pregnant because I was a perfect size 6 and I didn't want to get fat, as I am stay at home mom and dreaded becoming the stereotypical, dumpy mom, but the second Maggie was born I told everyone to pretend I had never said some of the things I did while I was pregnant. I certainly didn't want her to get a complex and think that keeping my figure was more important to me than bringing a new life into the world. As it turns out, she is doted on like no other child has been and will probably go on to do something incredible and amazing, like curing diabetes. But even if she doesn't I won't care. None of us can imagine life without her. She's pretty great.
As far as the details of our lives right now, I homeschool my fourteen and twelve year old daughters, but my son, who is ten, goes to public school. My kids are funny and cute and love to read and were once described as "little spark plugs." That's really all you need to know about them.
I spend most of my days reading, painting my walls over and over again, moving furniture around, walking around our town and enjoying the beautiful weather (unless it dips below 50 degrees and then I refuse to go outside.) And of course I have met some wonderful friends. In fact, I think the friends I have met here may be some of the nicest people on the planet.
I guess my life keeps me busy because I fall into bed every night completely exhausted. And yes, I know it all sounds so simple and quaint, but when I was a little girl I had no aspirations to lead a glamorous life filled with wealth and fame; I only wanted to grow up to be a mom and wife, so I guess you could call me a success story.
I hope this fills you in on some of the finer points of my life. Please let me know what you have been up to for the past twenty years.
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