Friday, October 14, 2011

Foolishness and a little brilliance

So back in June I bought this cute pair of flip flops and two days after my purchase they ripped while I was wearing them. Lucky for me I was in the parking lot of Publix when it happened, so when I ran in to get my groceries I picked up some super glue to repair the shoes (because that's what normal people do when their shoes fall apart).

My only concern with the super glue was not how foolish it made my flip flops look ( trust me, some cob jobs can't be hidden), but how I would conceal the glue from my children. I was pretty sure that if Anthony was aware I purchased it he would find a way to glue his hand to his face (by accident, of course) and so I kept it hidden under lock and key, knowing that if it was ever revealed I bought it there would be a mad rush to find it. I can't really explain why this is the case, but it's my reality and I've come to terms with it. For four and half months I have been moving this super glue around from drawer to drawer, cabinet to cabinet, just to ensure it is never found and I'm proud to say I've been successful.

On Saturday afternoon I was getting ready to take my two oldest children somewhere and as I was putting on my pants, wouldn't you know, the button popped off. I know right now people are asking themselves if perhaps this may be a good time for me to contemplate heading over the Weight Watchers, but trust me when I say, the button falling off has less to do with my weight and more to do with the fact that these pants were bought for five dollars at a store that sells reject clothing.

Although popping a button may have been cause for alarm for some people, for me it was nothing more than a chance to get out my hidden supply of super glue and work my magic. I didn't feel like removing the pants entirely, so I carefully took the super glue, fastened the button to its proper place and waited a few seconds for it to stick. And it did. Problem solved. Pants were on, hair was done, kids were ready and we were off.

I was quite happy with this quick fix, until we arrived at our destination and I had to go to the bathroom and suddenly realized that I had super glued my pants shut. At first I thought it was funny, because it kind of is, but as I kept struggling to get the pants open I got sweaty and started panicking and had no idea what to do. I truly did have to go the bathroom and there seemed to be no hope in sight. I thought for sure I would have to make a run for my car and look for the knife that Greg keeps in there for me, and then I would have to shred my pants and how exactly would I explain this to people at church, which was where I happened to be at the time. But see, this is where going to church comes in handy. God shines his light on us church people, (and only us) and lo and behold, the pants came loose. I'm pretty sure I heard angels singing.

I had an epiphany as I was relaying what happened to a friend - and moms, you can thank me later. When my daughters reach that age where they have gentlemen callers, I'm bringing out the super glue and fastening the girls pants shut before they leave the house. It'll be like a chastity belt, but much less cumbersome. And yes, because I was kind enough to share my brilliant idea with you, I'm charging two bucks for this post.