I was never good with the titles so I'm not giving this post one

I keep reading things on the computer about Advent and the need to slow down and listen and relax and get ready for Christmas. Except first we have to go out the day after Thanksgiving, or really the day of Thanksgiving now, and buy as many things as we can. And then we can slow down and relax and get ready for the reason for the season. As an aside, I saw a woman on the news on Thanksgiving Day and she was rushing into the store to buy...a toaster! And I felt sad and looked at my husband and I could tell that he felt sad too, because really, if you are going to charge through the store with herds of people on the day that you should technically be stuffing your face and unbuttoning your pants half way  through your meal, it should not be to buy a toaster. There is no toaster on the face of the planet that could lure me away from eating too much stuffing and apple pie.

I'm always worried that during this time of year, when we are told to slow down and savor the meaning of it all, someone is going to take me aside and tell me, Ann Marie, darling, you cannot slow down, you have been slowing down all year and you need to get off your ass and actually do something now. I have a sloth like quality to me and there really isn't any point in the year when I think, oh gee, thank God it's this season, because NOW I can finally slow down. Yes, I have children and yes they annoy me on the daily with all of their never ending wants and needs, but what can I say, I'm a pro at relaxing and nary a day goes by when I don't manage to spend a good portion of it sitting down and doing nothing more than staring off into space, picking my lips. Even my most favorite hobby, bike riding, involves sitting. 

Speaking of riding my bike, I'm doing a ride for diabetes in March. Well the ride is not FOR diabetes as no one in their right mind would ride their bike to get diabetes. The ride is meant for raising money to find a cure for diabetes. Don't worry, I'm not going to ask you to give me money. I'm saving my change and using that for my fundraising. I love riding my bike and I hate diabetes so this ride will be a pleasure. Not a pleasure really, but more a time where I spend the entire day wondering if I will die, with smatterings of panicky texts to my sister about the state of my numb ass and various other complaints. Sister of mine, you have been warned! I suppose if I make it to the finish line and don't die, then there will a moment of pleasure. The ride is a hundred miles, or what is known in the cycling world as a century, but I've always felt like a bit of a poser calling myself a cyclist, so I just call it a hundred mile ride. I'm hoping I can make it through the entire ride without falling and knocking out my teeth for good, although I have had my eye a lovely pair of dentures I found for real cheap on ebay, so who knows, fingers crossed, those babies will be mine real soon.

There is a bit of training that goes along with getting ready to ride a hundred miles and I have decided to bore you with only a little bit of it. It involves riding your bike a certain amount of miles on many days and then on the days when you can't ride too long you are advised to ride as fast as you can, or find hills to ride (nearly impossible in Florida but I do okay). These short and intense bursts of riding are meant to help you increase your speed. So far no good. Speed on the bike will never be my thing. Anyway,  after you do all of this long riding and short intense riding you are then advised to gas up on oreos. No, I'm kidding about that part. I wish it were true but it's not.

Speaking of gassing up, that's the term my husband uses to describe a form of eating that entails consuming large quantities of food in a short amount of time and then not eating again for many many hours, sometimes a full twenty four hours. When we started dating, Greg would tell me he had to gas up and when I mistakenly assumed he meant he had to fill his car up with fuel he corrected me and explained the entire concept to me and I thought, gee I wonder if this fellow really is as weird as my parents think he is. You would think someone of my sloth like character would be on board with the concept of gorging, and I am, but I'm not keen on the part where I have to wait many, many hours, sometimes an entire day, to eat again. Anyhow, I've been with Greg for so long now that I do that thing where all of his weirdo behavior suddenly seems normal and the last time I mentioned gassing up to people there was confusion and then laughter when I explained what it was and then I remembered Greg really is kind of weird. I still don't entirely understand the point of gassing up but Greg says it just saves time and frees up his schedule on those days when he doesn't have time to sit down and eat three meals. He is apparently much busier than me.

Well dear reader, I must go now. I don't quite know the point of this post but I haven't written in a bit and I figured I would get some thoughts out. I hope you are finding time in your day to relax and enjoy the season of Advent. If you need any tips on how to go about that, shoot me an email. And in my next post I will regale you with all of the things I have learned about life in the past year. And that post will be all of one sentence long.