I had something stuck on my sneaker this morning, something sort of slippery, and so my foot kept slipping off my pedal and it was annoying me. By the way, this is the sort of scintillating information I'll be writing about now. It simply doesn't get any better than that. Instead of reading some fine piece of literature, or doing something productive, I am wasting my time writing about the bottom of my shoe.
I did a lot of reading today though and it put me in the mood to write, as reading always does, so yeah, what else can I say? My sneakers were slippery. And then I had some water to drink. And then I noticed my ass was asleep and I still had several more minutes left to ride and I started to wonder right then and there what I would do if I ever got hemorrhoids. How would I ride my bike then? It would be brutally painful and it would screw up my routine and I like my routine, I get obsessed with my routine. Oh there has just got to be something better to write about.
I guess I could write about the fact that I am ashamed of myself for looking so unlike a real bike rider. I don't wear those unflattering bikes shorts and bright neon shirts and I only just recently started wearing a helmet. I thought it interfered with the cool image I try to portray and then I remembered who I was and I realized a bike helmet wasn't the only thing keeping me from being cool so I relented and started wearing one.
Not only is my apparel giving me shame, I just found out I don't even ride a road bike, I ride a mountain bike. I didn't know what a road bike was until the guy who walks his dogs everyday stopped me to ask me about my riding. He wanted to know how many miles I did and I thought to myself, wouldn't that require me to get some sort of device to figure that out? So I said, "I don't know, I go for 90 minutes, how many ever miles that is." And then he told me that he goes riding every day, but he has a road bike and I said "ooooh" like I knew what he meant. For the rest of my ride I wondered what a road bike was, and what kind of bike I was riding, and then my extremely knowledgeable husband told me the difference between a mountain bike and a road bike. A road bike is the kind of bike Lance Armstrong rides.
So I said to Greg, "well, do I look like some sort of fool riding this mountain bike thing all over town, should I be on a mountain somewhere instead?" Again, I was very worried about my image. He said no, but the bleach marks all over my cut off sweat shorts and the stains on my old tank top made me look like I was leaving a crime scene and he wanted to know if maybe I wanted to go buy some nicer things to wear while riding my bike, which I did not because ever since I told him about the enormous credit card debt I got us into, which we are now totally out of thanks to my amazingly nice husband, I have been living frugally and so spending money, especially on things that are going to get sweaty and stinky anyway, has lost all appeal.
But see, I knew I was going somewhere with the sneaker thing. Most riders who are serious and fit and committed to riding use these little straps on their pedals and they wear special riding sneakers, and so their foot would never slip off their pedal for half of their bike ride, driving them crazy and putting them in a bad mood. But like I said, I don't have all that fancy equipment so I ride on in all my shame with the whole world laughing at me. Maybe not the whole world, maybe just the rabid animals who are up at 5:30 everyday rummaging through the garbage before the rest of the world wakes.
At any rate, I persevered and finished my ride with my slippery sneaker and I feel terrific now and am trying with all of my might to stay away from the scale. I have two more days before I will allow myself to weigh in and I am busting because I just know I've had a good week so far and if I get on that scale on Saturday and it hasn't budged my family is not going to have a fun weekend and I really want them to have a fun weekend.
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