Thursday, August 11, 2011

What I've been up to

My summer has been filled with big, exciting, life altering changes. Here's the biggest one (and get ready, because it's huge!) - I started doing laundry at the laundromat. We had a weekend away back at the beginning of July and when we arrived home we realized it was going to take three days to catch up on the laundry situation (and any chore that requires using the word situation to decribe it has gotten out of control). I kindly offered to take the clothes to the laundromat, so as to get it done in the quickest possible way.

I came home an hour and a half later with five loads of clean, folded laundry. Then I walked around like a drill sergeant telling everyone that if they didn't put their clothes away immediately it was all going in the garbage. My children know this threat is not to be taken lightly. I've found that tossing things in the garbage is about the easiest way there is to keep a clean house. Sure, you throw things away you end up needing later on and then you go out for coffee with a friend only to have your husband call asking about the whereabouts of those things. You panic a little and decide maybe it's not the best way to keep a clean house, but then the mess piles up again and you think, no, it truly is easier dealing with an inquiring husband than it is picking up the mess and putting things back where they belong. So anyway, the kids listened to my threats and I went and took a nap because after doing five loads of laundry I deserved a snooze.

At some point the next day I happened to walk by the washing machine and noticed that the most horrifying thing had occurred. There was more laundry. The pile of clothes that had completely disappeared the day before seemed to have grown in the middle of the night while we were all asleep. It never, ever stops growing. There almost isn't a point to doing laundry as it just piles up immediately and reminds you daily how useless certain chores are.

I was coming close to despair over the whole situation (which is not hard for me to do as I come close to despair over just about everything. It's a gift.) when I suddenly began thinking about how nice and quiet and relaxing it was at the laundromat. While I was there I managed to finish a book I was reading, drink an ice cold diet coke from the store next door, call a friend, listen to my ipod and read highly out of date magazines (we're talking 2003) and also some rather dubious ones. On top of it being relaxing and entertaining, there was the very practical matter of getting five loads of laundry done in ninety minutes. So now it was obvious that the solution to my problem was to just start taking my laundry to the laundromat.

I go twice a week, no more, no less. Every Tuesday and every Friday. The rest of the week I don't even think about the laundry. And Greg doesn't either. If something is dirty and it isn't laundry day, guess what? Too bad for you. It really is a treat for me and has provided me with a kind of freedom I've come to cherish. And as much as Greg has tried to reassure me over the years that he doesn't mind doing laundry, I think he loves never having to think about it now.

Will it last? Probably not. I get sick of everything. People, places and things that I once adored and loved, and swore I would never get sick of, always end up on my list of, "never be bothered with this person, place or thing again."Oh, I kid. I hardly ever do that with people, but the places and things one I do all the time. So this time next year I will probably be repulsed by the site of the laundromat, but for now it works and I'm enjoying it. Plus, it provides me with three full hours of child-free down time a week, because no matter how many times I've asked the kids if they want to join me, no one ever takes me up on the offer.

Now onto other matters, sort of. The laundry thing is costing me many quarters a week, so I'm thinking about getting a part time job, but I do have rules. It can't be at night or during the day and it has to pay at least 20 bucks an hour and involve no physical labor and nothing that would strain my mental faculties, as I teach my children and I need to save my brain cells for them.

After I started thinking about it I realized I've set my sights high in the employment department, so I came up with another way to make money. I'm going to start charging people a dollar a post for reading this here blog. We're going on the honor system. If you just read this post you owe me a dollar. I know hundreds and hundreds of people( possibly thousands) are reading this blog and I am so excited that very soon I will be rich. On top of using my money to fund my laundromat excurions I will be using the rest to feed the hungry and promote world peace, so you see, you really can feel good knowing this is going for a worthy cause. I'm doing God's work and in essence, by giving me your money, you will be doing God's work. None of the money will be used to fund my raw cookie dough or Chuckles addiction.

Thank you for your time today. I hope it was worth your dollar. At the very least, I hope it was worth a comment - those are free.


Anonymous said...

It looks like you finally admitted to throwing out my Dunkin Donuts insulated mugs, would you like to take this opportunity to come clean about my rotary telephone? I will gladly pay the one dollar reading fee to gain information about my rotary telephone.

Sonya said...

Tired of your laundry mat? No problem! There are too many around here to count. Perhaps you can visit others in the "shady" parts of town - to make you thankful for the safe, quiet place you currently visit. Or perhaps, share your faith with those who come into do their laundry - a deal - sharing God's work & all. It's only for an hour and a half, right? Next week, try another. Variety is the spice of life!

Oh, btw, You owe me $1 for the advise on how to step out of your comfort zone. 8-)

Terri said...

LOL!This post was worthy of some out loud laughing plus some knee slapping. I really think it deserves $1.50. You're already on your way to paying for Fridays excursion!

Deborah Macfarlane said...

Is GREG reading your blog now?!
I think you could make some cash if you published a book.
I will send you fifty dollars and you have to write fifty
entries. Now doesn't that sound insufficient?
Do you see there is VALUE in your written word and a dollar a post is not enough!?
I do like Sonya's idea of visiting different laundromats.
Whatever you do DO NOT make friends with anyone
at the laundromat. You know someone is going to start telling you their life story and that will be the next thing ruined.

Tiffany said...

I owe you a dollar. I throw a whole lot of stuff away too. Every once in a while someone actually notices but I think most of the time they are glad to have one less thing to keep up with.

ann marie said...

No, I think anon is Terri posing as Greg. Only she knew of my deep dark secret of the Dunkin Donuts mugs and what happened to them. Greg is much too busy at work to be reading this here silly blog. If anon was Greg than I would just like to state that I completely made up the whole part about throwing things away. I never do that. I just pretend I do that. It's all pretend in my world. Sonya, I have never thought of expanding my horozons to include other laundromats! HUM....I may do just that. I'm finding few unsavory characters in our's and I do love me some unsavory types. Think of the things I could write about. I'll give you a dollar when I see you :) Deb, send the money now. I'll write the book later...I promise! Terri, I would never charge you money. You can pay me in Starbucks coffee.

Terri said...

I wondered if that were Greg too for a second. lol But I know who it REALLY is . . .

A Life Being Lived said...

Ok this has me laughing out loud. I will gladly donate quarters to your laundry/mental health break excursions! I also love the laundromat. At first it seems like you are trapped but then you realize you HAVE to sit and wait for the laundry, so you have the freedom to sit there and read old magazines or stare at the wall or call a friend or just take a few moments to relax. Bliss!

Julie said...

You just posted this yesterday and there are already 8 comments ahead of me. I guess I'm a day late AND a dollar short!!

You seriously could make tons of money writing a book!!!!

Kirsten said...

Haa haaaa!!!! I think going to the laundry mat is a fabulous idea. I may just have to do that some time. Your dollars in the mail.