Thursday, May 10, 2012

Here are some boring thoughts I can bore you with so I can fulfill my one a day post obligation

You know what's fun to do? Next time you get one of those credit card offers in the mail, open it up and read it to your spouse like you're reading a love letter. It's entertaining. You don't even need to change the words because if done right it really will sound like someone sent you a love letter. Here, go ahead and try it with a letter I just received yesterday.

Dear Annmarie Hacic, Where did you go Annmarie? We miss you and to prove it we're going to lower your interest rate, but first you have to come back. Don't let this opportunity slip through your fingers. Do you want to live the life you've been dreaming about? All you have to do to start making that happen is call 1-800-888-8888 and someone will be ready to assist you in getting back the life you deserve to be living. 

I think we can all agree that the level of sincerity in this letter is hard to beat. I got this very letter yesterday and read it to Greg as though I was reading a letter from a long lost love and sure enough, it was amusing. How do I know? Because I saw Greg crack a grin. In real people terms, that counts as twenty minutes of on your knees belly laughter. On top of the grin he told me to stop it. See, he was worried he was going to start laughing really hard and then I would have proof that he finds me funny. Just try it though because it really is fun.

Only one person picked up on a glaring mistake I made a few posts back. I wrote "illicit" when I meant "elicit." I'm assuming the anonymous commenter who picked up on it was my father. Just watch. He'll leave another comment here referring to himself in the third person in which he will address whether or not he was the one to notice the mistake. I'm actually glad he pointed it out. I need to go back and edit the post, but I didn't really want to do that because then his comment won't make any sense. After I was made aware of what I did I wondered if I was going to become one of those people who starts writing half when I really mean have. Like, "I half to go to the store." 

I sent the children on a bike ride for forty minutes. Sometimes people ask if I feel like my kids are missing anything by not being in school and usually the only thing I can come up with is gym class. Not the actual physical activity, because they get plenty of that, but what they are missing is the mean gym teacher who yells at them and acts like an idiot and tells them they'll get fat and flabby arms if they don't move. Jane had a teacher do that to her in the third grade, so I went down to the school and told the PE teacher she would have to apologize to my daughter. And then I told the gym teacher that someday we would all be sitting around our Thanksgiving table telling tales of long ago and my daughter would say, "hey, remember that really mean gym teacher who told me I was going to get fat and flabby arms and mommy went in to the school and made her apologize to me?" I probably didn't need to say that to the teacher, but sometimes people need to think about what they've done and that's where I come in and help. So anyway, I decided to become the mean gym teacher and made my kids do some sit ups and push ups and go ride their bikes. Also, I would like to point out that I move constantly and I still have fat and flabby arms so the gym teacher was completely incorrect in her assessment of what creates fat and flabby arms. 

That's all I've got for today. 

11 comments:

Julie said...

I'm really rockin' this first commenter thing, I think this is the third time out of the last four posts. As usual I laughed out loud, I especially like the "Half to go to the store" part. Also I really enjoyed the gym techer story, it reminded me of my favorite story, "the beer cap and the teacher"!!

Terri (still the biggest fan of capicola) said...

I almost spit on the computer when I read the part about the fat and flabby arms. Flab. It's my favorite word of the week!

deborah Macfarlane (sister of Ann Marie) said...

oh this is a goody...
I remember that whole gym teacher incident like
it was yesterday...
sniff, sniff...
that was when ann marie still lived here in new york
and I got to hear all of her stories FIRST and right
out of the horses mouth...
you should make your kids do square dancing for their
next gym assignment...

deborah Macfarlane (sister of Ann Marie) said...

oh one more thing...
I think the comment to the teacher about future thanksgiving discussions is both a testament to your creativity and uncanny ability to see the future unfold...

ann marie said...

Yeah, I seem to have that word on the brain, Terri. You will too when you see my arms :) Julie, you are on it this week!

ann marie said...

Deb, you must have been typing as I was typing. I know, it does seem like just yesterday when that happened. Now I'm going to go cry about getting older.

Terri (biggest fan of capicola) said...

Square dancing! Yes, seriously. Have your kids to that for their PE. THEN write about it.

Actually, we DID do some square dancing in the Spring after reading Little House in the Big Woods. lol

Anonymous said...

The party of the third part alluded to obliquely in your long disquisition on illicitly amusing your husband at the expense of those sincere credit card wordsmiths is now prepared to accept responsibility for pointing out your misuse of language while discussing your husband, whom, I happen to know,is much more the rollicking and raucous spontaneous bundle of laughter than you have implied here. Thus, I would expect that he will demand that you set the record straight and cease your illicit comments regarding his taciturn nature-forthwith.

ann marie said...

Father, have you been reading Jane Austen books as of late? Greg prefers I describe him like i do, that way people just leave him alone. His greatest fear in life is that someone would find him pleasant enough to talk to.

bfarmmom said...

Kirsten (regular reader, rare commenter)
I like how everyone is putting who (or whom?) they are in parenthesis.
I have been thoroughly enjoying you blogging everyday. Keep it up!!
And to your dad's comment. Huh?

Hee Hee

Kirsten

deborah Macfarlane (sister of Ann Marie) said...

MOTHER'S DAY POST?!!!!!!!
Where is it?!
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL THE FELLOW BLOG
COMMENTERS AND OF COURSE TO ANN MARIE!