Tooth Fairy madness

What to write, what to write? Unnamed people have demanded I write a new post but I have nothing to say. How about an update?

Maggie had a tooth pulled yesterday. If you've been in a five mile radius of me this week you know all about this because I can't stop talking about it. When I learned she had a mouth full of cavities I felt as though I had crossed the line from mildly irresponsible parent to full on neglectful idiot who never should have had children. I mean really, I almost stuck a carton of cigarettes and six pack of beer under her pillow instead the standard dollar coins we usually leave when the tooth fairy comes.

Speaking of which, I'm not even sure how she knew about the tooth fairy seeing as I have never once talked about her to Maggie and I'm pretty sure I've forbidden the older kids from mentioning this menacing creature. And yes, this is a wonderful way to handle all of the things in life you decide you don't like dealing with; refuse to address it and it will go away, except for in this case it didn't work.

Someone outside the family must have gotten to Maggie because the first thing she said when I showed her the pulled tooth was, "now the tooth fairy will come!" Whoever enlightened her also laid it on thick enough that Maggie thought she was getting some huge present left behind, something like a doll or a Hello Kitty stuffed animal. Ugh! People. They are so annoying. I mean it could have been a little child who informed her in which case I should show some mercy, but no, in this instance kids are just as annoying as adults.

Sure enough I woke this morning and left for my walk and right around mile two I remembered that I forgot to leave money under Maggie's pillow. Then I spent the rest of the walk just praying she wouldn't wake because I knew she would be heart broken and the thought of that was making me nervous.

That's really why I hate things like the tooth fairy. It's just one more opportunity to let your kids down. You have your first kid and you can't wait for that first tooth to fall out because it's so exciting and cute for them to see that money, but then it keeps happening again and again, on top of which you have more kids and it seems like every twenty minutes someone is losing a tooth and you keep forgetting to leave money under the pillow.

I know this is a common happening around houses across America because everyone talks about it. How many times has one of the kids woken without the money and you have to do the whole, "are you sure, let me check, you probably didn't check good enough," speech while you trick your kid and slip the quarters under the pillow. It's just so stupid and I really thought we escaped this foolishness with Maggie.

This morning I made it back in plenty of time to correct my forgetfulness. She was still sound asleep, so I stuck two gold dollar coins under her pillow and then went outside for my iced coffee. About an hour later she ran out to me, fully dressed, with a huge smile on her face screaming about that money and yes, I did start crying over how cute it all was. And that's parenthood. Just as you are on the verge of becoming the most hideously cynical person alive one of the kids comes in and saves the day.